stay with me
Wednesday, March 04, 2009 10:14 PM
Often i hear you bickering with your people, and I do not know what to think. I sigh and follow the normal routine, taking my belongings and walking quickly yet calmly away to my room, my sanctuary. Of course, there's always the eye roll once you've looked away, or sometimes even in front of you so you can see my disappointment with you. i have no fear in doing so because I know you are wrong, and I have done almost nothing to hurt you, so if you shout at me, i can just head on over to my room, which is what i am doing right now. I shut the door behind me quietly so i do not draw attention to myself and lock the door so that you may not come in. I don't want you in, that's why i locked it, by the pooping way. I don't care if i don't know you that well, and i don't even call you by your name (I call you by a nickname that apparently you don't like - you told you but not to my face - behind your back, but i'm pretty sure you know because you tell yourself everything, I think, and you can sometimes hear me speaking that disgusting name. (personally i believe it is not very revolting, it is just a sign of closeness and friendship - I would not call someone by a nickname unless I like them in some way... unless it's an offensive nickname, but i don't mean that to be offensive)
while your people scream and bicker at each other, i cover my ears with pillows like they do on the telly, but it doesn't really work because hello kitty flower-shaped pillows don't work that well, and it kinda hurts my face somehow (it squishes my nose). I take out my beloved picture box (it has whinnie the pooh on it) and look through the pictures. Of course the first thing i see is my favorite, him with me, and i break down right when i touch it. when I explode into water i try not to let your people hear, or the lady next to me, so I try to explode quietly and not let the fireworks shoot out. I don't think it works though. sometimes I hear footsteps near my door, or quiet knocking at my door, like the innocent lady next to me is trying to ask me if I am alright. I immediately stop the process of exploding (or imploding) and listen for any more noises. If there are any, i just ignore them and explode even quieter. if there are not, i shall go on.
then I talk to myself, sometimes because I like to talk to myself before talking to others so that i will make it sound right, since I never think before i talk (even though I end up never talking to someone after planning what to say because I feel quite stupid). and then I end up talking to God, because i realize again for the hundreth billionth time that God always understands you no matter what you say, even if you say what you don't plan to say, or even if you say before you think. really, there is no point in speaking or thinking at all, because He just knows, but I say it anyways. it makes me feel more dramatic.
Sometimes I feel like exploding even more because it makes me feel good, somehow. it's very ironic. Maybe i'm just a drama queen, but still. you say that it makes people feel better and it's good to let things out and melt.
Your people are stubborn and do not want to lose. it reminds me of me when I'm in PE, trying to win that championship so i can get the first pick at the apples. we are both competitive and try to win, but there is no point because everyone gets to get the apples anyways, and they're kind of the same. your people try to win, but there is no point because all you do is make yourself sound stupid, and if you think about it, usually in arguments, both sides are correct in some way, even if it has nothing to do with the topic. You do not agree to talk before listening to the other side, and often I hear through my hello kitty flower shaped pillow, "no, listen to ME" because you think you are right. Which you can be, but it would be nice if someone listened to the other side first, or took turns, or didn't explode (not in my way) quickly. it would be nice. the world would survive longer, that is what I think.
I am also your people, and we are the same. Listen.